Hello everyone, I hope this finds you well.
I hope all you mothers had a wonderful day. Mine was amazing. I received the most thoughtful cards, had dinner with family, and got a Panera Bread gift card.
However, my favorite, by far, was a letter from my daughter, Caitlyn. In that letter, she said I was the most forgiving person she knew. You all know, I always say I literally have no idea what I am going to write about, but you guessed it. This week it’s about forgiveness.
You see, before my son passed away eight years ago, I really wasn’t a nice person. I have done a lot of things that I am not proud of, and all I can say is I am sorry.
I often say a lot of times that his death saved me — saved me from that person I was, that person I didn’t want to be, because I literally didn’t know how to not be that person. Still to this day, daily, I make mistakes, and I hurt people.
I am not perfect, but I have realized that forgiveness isn’t always for the other person, but for ourselves as well. It’s really hard to forgive someone who has wronged you, and sometimes you never get that apology and that’s OK. We have to like who we see in the mirror, we have to cut ourselves some slack, and forgive ourselves. If not, the pain builds up inside of us, and comes out like a toxic poison and we radiate that pain onto others. The beautiful part is that we have the ability to heal and forgive if we allow it.
On a different note, May 14 is my birthday. I will be 43. After Casey passed away, my birthdays were so painful. Why can I have a birthday and my son cannot? My sweet friend, Sarah, reminded me that if I hadn’t been born, Casey wouldn’t have either, so if you are in a similar situation, remember life does go on for the living and it is OK to sing, eat cake and dance.
Again, I would say that falls under forgiveness, because I made Casey get a job, and he was on his way home from work when he got killed. I had a hard time forgiving myself over that.
I hope everyone has a wonderful week. Till we meet again.