I wish to announce my intentions to sign with the Golden State Warriors.
Why not? All the cool kids are doing it, even some not so cool.
I was a high school scrub, but I’m not asking for much. The league minimum of $543,471 for players with no NBA experience would change lives in my house.
I’ll never complain about playing time. Just let me be the guy on the end of the bench, in a uniform, watching the NBA’s version of the “Fab Five” do its thing next season. I’ll even write a book about the experience.
The Warriors could spare the roster spot, after all.
That’s about the size of things, after Monday’s news that the Warriors answered LeBron James’ signing with the Los Angeles Lakers by luring DeMarcus Cousins for a one-year deal. That gives the Warriors, who have won three of the last four NBA titles and just swept the James-led Cleveland Cavaliers in the most recent league finals, five NBA All-Stars … Stephen Curry, Kevin Durant, Draymond Green, Klay Thompson and Cousins.
Imagine the blowouts of lower-tier Western Conference teams, or just about anybody in the East. Imagine garbage-time playing opportunities for yours truly.
Would it be too much to ask Warriors fans to chant for me to get in the game? Just once?
At 53, I could become the oldest player to play, let alone score, in an NBA game. Trust me, I’ll chuck enough 3s in those ample garbage minutes. Surely, one will bank in.
Surely, this fab five will prove to be more inevitable than the college version was at Michigan.