Netflix and Kill: In which I watch really obscure horror movies on Netflix that I picked because I liked the title or the movie art.
For a horror movie fan, there are degrees of bad:
• Funny bad
• Cheesy bad
• Ironically bad
• Boring bad
• Frustratingly bad
• Too-smart-for-its-own-good bad
• Low-budget (which can also be filed under Funny, Cheesy and Ironically) bad
And then there’s Bad bad, aka Pointlessly, Stupid, Irredeemably, Why-Am-I-Watching-This bad.
They say life is short … well, “they” have obviously never tried to sit through “The ABCs of Death,” a movie so deplorably bad-bad that I gave up about 30 minutes in, after the segment “H is for Hydro-Electric Diffusion,” which involved people dressed as sports mascots doing things sports mascots should never be seen doing.
The premise for “ABCs of Death” sounded cool: Take 26 directors, give them each a letter of the alphabet and let them make a short film about death using a word from their assigned letter. That’s how you get “T is for Toilet,” “Q is for Quack” and “L is for Libido.”
My review is “S is for Skip It” or “S is for Stupid” or “S is for Sucks.” I’ve got another but I doubt it would pass my editor’s keen eye.
Look, I find a certain charm in bad, even terrible, horror movies, and I’m not quick to give up. During my inaugural Horrorfest, I sat all the way through the quasi-musical “Don’t Go in the Woods,” which at the time was the worst horror movie I’d ever seen.
I’d watch a marathon of “Don’t Go in the Woods” before even picking up where I left off with “ABCs of Death.”
“ABCs of Death” was so bad, it made me wish I was dyslexic … at least I would’ve gotten to the end faster.