Has anybody else noticed that they’re renaming all the fruits?
The produce department is littered with boxes and bags of things with whimsical new labels.
Mandarin oranges are now “Cuties.”
Bartlett pears are “Pixie Pears.”
Kiwis are “Mighties.”
Cherry tomatoes are “Blushes.”
Heirloom tomatoes are “Wild Wonders.”
It reminds me of a few years ago when researchers tried to get school kids to eat more carrots and broccoli by calling them “X-Ray Vision Carrots” and “Tiny Tasty Tree Tops.”
I recently saw a bag of mozzarella balls labeled “Moon Cheese.” The price was astronomical.
This is not going to end well. Just ask the guy who decided to rename dried plums as “prunes.”
There are now lots of melons that no longer have “melon” in their names, such as Sugar Baby (sweet and little), Moon and Stars (white-speckled rind) and Sugar Kiss (which comes in its own bright blue fishnet stocking).
I remember back when grapes used to come in three basic varieties: “red,” “green” or “purple.” Now there are Moon Drops (long, dark purple grapes) and Cotton Candy grapes, which do taste remarkably like cotton candy. I am apparently the only person in the world who doesn’t like them.
Those two new hybrids were developed by a California farm called The Grapery, which has also developed new grapes called Gum Drops and Flavor Pops.
In 2013, the Grapery came up with a pointy-ended grape that looked like a purple chili pepper, so they called them Chili Pepper grapes.
Kids wouldn’t touch them.
So they renamed them … wait for it … Witch Finger grapes.
Said grapes have since been renamed a second time and are now called Tear Drops. I am sure many tears were shed trying to come up with another word for “grape.”
Not that fruit names makes a whole lot of sense in the first place. “Orange,” I can understand. And a kiwi fruit looks like a kiwi bird. But where did “pear” come from? They don’t even grow in pairs.
There used to be something called an Ugli fruit, but you don’t see those around much anymore.
The Ugli fruit was actually a type of tangelo, which is a hybrid of a grapefruit, an orange and a tangerine.
Like Eve, we just can’t stop messing with the fruit.
Lisa Davis is Features Editor of The Anniston Star. Contact her at 256-235-3555 or firstname.lastname@example.org.