Me: [ standing in front of the microwave waiting for lunch to heat up ]
Muse: Oh sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. Hey, remember that story you were too tired to write today so you decided to put it off till next week?
Me: Yeah, what about it?
Muse: I thought of an introduction! First you write about the polar bears, then segue to the penguins.
Me: Could this wait till later? I was just about to have lunch.
Muse: But if I didn’t tell you right away I might forget.
Me: I know how that is. And you’re right, that would be a good opening [ type type type ]
Muse: Enjoy your lunch! Is that leftover broccoli? Yuck.
Me: [ chew chew chew ]
Muse: Sorry, didn’t mean to catch you with your mouth full. I came up with another idea for you!
Me: Can’t you see I’m eating?
Muse: You could write about me! You could write about how I gave you that idea for the story!
Me: Well, that’s a tad self-referential, don’t you think? Besides, didn’t I already write about you?
Muse: Beats me. My job is inspiring, not remembering. That’s Mnemosyne’s department.
Me: You know, I could actually make that work, but I’d need a different way to structure the story … I’ll have to think on it later. I really need to go to the bank right now.
Muse: Have fun at the money place!
Me: [ rev rev rev ]
Me: You know, this would be a lot more helpful if you showed up when I was sitting at my computer trying to write, instead of sitting in the car about to pull out of the garage.
Muse: Whatever, I thought of how you could structure the story about me! You could write it as a conversation!
Me: OK, yes, that is a really good idea, thank you, but look, you’re just going to have to come back later. I don’t have anything to take notes on in the car.
Muse: There’s a half a Post-it note on the floor over there.
Me: [ sigh ] [ scribble scribble scribble ] OK. I got most of it. But now I really have to go to the bank.
Muse: See ya!
Me: [ drive drive drive ]
Me: [ swerve ] [ cuss ]
Muse: You know we could just write this right now. Like have the actual conversation, here in the car, since we’re both here anyway.
Me: I AM DRIVING!
Muse: C’mon, I’ve seen you talk to yourself and drive at the same time. Besides, you know if you send me away now I might not come back. Watch out for that car.
Lisa Davis is Features Editor of The Anniston Star. Contact her at 256-235-3555 or email@example.com.