Looking Glass

YOU’LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE, COPPER!

A donkey led a herd of goats and sheep on an escape from a property in Valinda, Calif., through an unsecured gate; they were seen roaming the streets of nearby West Covina shortly after midnight. The animals at first “failed to comply” with local police and “evaded capture,” but it didn’t last long.

OK, I KNOW HOW THIS MUST LOOK:

A 19-year-old man was arrested for drunken driving after he crashed into the entrance sign at the police station in Jordan, Minn., and got stuck in a snowbank.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE CHEESE BURRITOS!?

A drunk driver was arrested in Spring Hill, Fla., after he mistook a Bank of America drive-through for a Taco Bell.

OF COURSE IT’S MY CAR, SWEETIE, WHY DO YOU ASK?

A man who was trying to impress a woman he had just met intimidated the valet at a posh resort in St. Petersburg, Fla., and tricked him into handing over the keys to a $300,000 Ferrari that didn’t belong to him. The cops pulled him over within a half hour. The woman said she was surprised that he “had difficulty” driving the car.

I JUST GOT SO NERVOUS:

A man robbed a bank in Taylorsville, Utah, but when he got outside, he realized that he had left the keys to the stolen getaway car on the counter inside. As he ran, he snagged the money bag, ripping it open and sending cash flying. Witnesses pointed the cops in the right direction, and the man was soon in custody.

OFFICER, I THINK I’VE FOUND A CLUE:

Police recovered a stolen car in Memphis, Tenn., and, when the owner went to pick it up at the impound lot, he discovered that one of the thieves had left a pay stub – with his name and address — on the front seat.

A LADY HAS NEEDS, AFTER ALL:

A woman stole employee credit cards from the Pennsylvania law firm she worked for and used them to buy expensive sex toys.

NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, BOB:

A Florida man has been arrested for the 345th time, most recently for violating an order barring him from South Miami Beach and yelling in the middle of the street. He was also carrying a beer and had marijuana stuffed in his shoes.

THIS MAN IS A COMPLETE STRANGER, OFFICER, I SWEAR:

The California Highway Patrol pulled over a stolen SUV in a routine traffic stop and discovered that there was a dead man in the front passenger seat. Two other men in the vehicle – who are alive – are being questioned in the matter.

SACRE BLEU, PIERRE! ZIS EES JUST NOT DONE!

A 73-year-old drunk driver took 17 spins around a rotary in western France with police hot on his tail. When they finally pulled him over, he claimed that he had not heard the sirens. This was not the old guy’s first DUI offense.

I’M JUST BAD! BAD! BAD!

A man punched himself in the face three times to avoid taking a breathalyzer test after he drove his car into a ditch in Belfast, Maine.