Looking Glass

SO WHAT?! THAT DOESN’T PROVE ANYTHING!

When someone cut a large hole in a safe in a home in Nixa, Mo., and stole $20,000, suspicion immediately fell on the homeowner’s son, who has a drug problem and owes some people a lot of money. Also, a search of his iPhone revealed he had visited two websites: “Safe-cracking made stupid easy” and “How to figure out the keypad lock combination.”

HI, BOB, SURPRISED TO SEE US?

A man fled police on a stolen motorcycle after a routine traffic stop in West Jordan, Utah, but the cops didn’t bother chasing him because they recognized him. Instead, they just went to his home and arrested him there.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR A LOVELY EVENING:

A man on a date with one woman stole her car and immediately took another woman on a date to a drive-in movie in Tennessee. The first woman had allowed him to drive her vehicle and, when she went in to buy cigars at a gas station, he took off.

SO AM I WANTED OR NOT?

A man was taken into custody after he called 911 in Thibodaux, La., to check if there were any warrants for his arrest. He was actually charged with unlawful use of the 911 system, but the cops are checking on the warrant thingy.

HEY, BABY, HOW DO YOU LIKE MY RIDE?

While firefighters were battling a brush fire in Oroville, Calif., a man stole one of their fire trucks to take it on a joy ride. But first he picked up a woman not far down the road, then led police on a high-speed chase for about two hours before they took him in.

APPRECIATE YOU SAVING US, MA’AM:

A woman said that she set fire to hay bales in Half Moon Bay, Calif., to prevent a “zombie apocalypse.” She later set more hay bales on fire to “prevent a cult from committing a massacre.” She is being examined by mental health professionals.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I LOOK SUSPICIOUS?:

A man walked up to the door of a bank in Hollywood, Fla., intending to rob the place, but employees locked the door before he could get in. This is because he was wearing a ski mask and flannel clothes when the temperatures were in the 90s.

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