Looking Glass

BUT OFFICER, I’M THE DESIGNATED DRIVER:

A man who was arrested for drunk driving in Brown Deer, Wisc., called a friend to pick him up at the police station. As soon as he got there, the cops arrested him for drunk driving, too.

WHEN THE MONKEY SAYS STOP, I STOP:

A woman who was approaching an intersection in Zunyi City, China, suddenly noticed a flash of red on a traffic light pole and reflexively slammed on her brakes, causing the car behind her to collide with her. But it wasn’t a red light she saw. It was the red rear end of a monkey that had escaped from a circus and climbed up the pole.

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

A rapper who was out on bond for illegally possessing a handgun posed with an AK-47 in front of a police cruiser that was parked at a police officer’s home in Monroeville, Pa., and posted the picture on Facebook. The officer looked out the window and saw him, but did not respond with deadly force or anything like that. The rapper’s attorney said later, “To tell you the truth, I don’t think he realized how this could have blown up.”

IT MAY TAKE ME A WHILE TO WRITE THIS UP, SIR:

Police seized a car on a highway in Cheshire, England, because it had no license plates, mirrors or windows and was covered with so many dents it looked like it had been rolled down a mountain. The driver was cited for operating a vehicle in a dangerous condition. The car was also uninsured.

REALLY? HOW COULD SHE NOT TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY?

A man attacked his girlfriend in their Port St. Lucie, Fla., home because she ate the last chocolate chip cookie. He told arresting officers that he got angry because she was not taking him seriously, joking that they should review surveillance tapes to see who had eaten it.

I CAN TOO HOLD MY LIQUOR!

An opossum entered a liquor store in Fort Walton Beach, Fla., late at night through an opening in the roof and then fell to the floor, breaking a bottle of bourbon on the way down. The store owner found the animal passed out drunk on the floor after having consumed the whole bottle.

SO, I’LL BET YOU’LL GO OUT WITH ME NOW:

A man found $65 million worth of cocaine washed up on the beach in Norfolk, England, after a storm swept the drugs off of buoys, where they had been placed by smugglers intending to sneak the drugs ashore in small boats. He figured he could get rich selling the stuff himself, and was caught only because he bragged about it in a text to impress a woman.

IS THAT YOU, BOB?

The 22-year-old son of a Palm Beach, Fla., sheriff’s lieutenant borrowed his dad’s squad car and used it to pull over his ex-girlfriend, who was on a date with her new boyfriend. Using the car’s public address system, he ordered the boyfriend out of the car and had an associate steal his wallet. The ex-girlfriend recognized his voice, and he was arrested.