IT JUST DOESN’T SEEM FAIR, YOUR HONOR:
A very wealthy 56-year-old widow went to court in Stockport, England, to ask that her drunk-driving conviction be vacated because her driveway is a quarter-mile long, and she needs a car to get from her mansion to the main road. The magistrate refused her request, but lifted her community service requirement because she has never worked in her life and it would “make her feel uncomfortable and out of her depth.’’
EXCUSE ME, SIR, TIME TO GET UP:
A sheriff’s deputy had to wake up a man he found passed out at the wheel of his car in a parking lot in Billings, Mont., with an open bottle of beer in his hand. The car was in drive, but was not moving because there was a snowbank in front of it. He has been convicted of drunk driving nine times.
WHAT A LOVELY SURPRISE:
A client engaged the services of a prostitute through an escort website, but she showed up at the wrong house in Coral Gables, Fla., at 3 a.m., wearing a pink see-through teddy. The residents called the cops.
WELL, IT’S AN EMERGENCY TO ME, OFFICER:
People in Manchester, England, have been calling the police emergency number because local Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants have run out of chicken. Officers have asked them to stop.
OK, I GIVE UP:
A man who was pulled over in St. Croix County, Wisc., fled from officers and ran into a frozen swamp surrounded by steep terrain in rural Star Prairie. But he had to call police for help when the temperature dropped below zero and he got too cold. They came and got him.
HEY, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, PAL!
An inmate at a prison in Spain woke up in a mortuary after three doctors declared him dead. His body had markings on it in preparation for an autopsy, which was to have taken place a few hours later.
ODDLY, THE GROOM SEEMED OK WITH IT:
A newlywed couple sued their wedding photographer when they discovered he had taken 96 pictures of their bridesmaids — including close-up shots of their cleavage and rear ends — and only 11 of the actual groom.
OH COME ON, HONEY, BE A SPORT:
A mother of 13 sons in Rockford, Mich., is pregnant for the 14th time. Her husband said, “I would love to have a girl, but I just don’t think it’s in the cards.” Asked if she will have more children, the wife said, “I’m thinking that this is it.”
I’M SURE YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE, OFFICER:
After leading Kentucky State Police on a high-speed chase for 15 miles down Interstate 65, a woman explained that she was the Mother Mary on her way to pick up the Baby Jesus. She also said that she had died six years ago, knew the police were pursuing her, and that she had the authority from God to drive the way she did. An examination by mental health professionals is planned.