Looking Glass

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’M LYING, COPPER?!

A police officer who was arresting a man involved in a drug deal in Greensburg, Pa., knew the guy was giving him a phony name, because his real name was tattooed on his neck.

SO HE DIDN’T GET FAR:

A man broke into a Walmart in Triangle, Va., at 4 in the morning and stole several cans of air freshener. Then he went outside, inhaled the contents and passed out.   

AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO WEAR THE WIG DURING THE ROBBERY?

Police spotted a man who robbed a bank in San Antonio in a car not far from the scene of the crime attempting to change his appearance by donning a wig. The officers were not fooled.

SO YOU CAN SEE THAT I HAD A GOOD EXCUSE:

A man falsely claimed that he had planted a bomb at the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office and then barricaded himself inside his home in Deltona, Fla. When the cops showed up to talk to him, he explained his behavior by saying that his neighbor was shooting microwaves into his brain.

BACK AGAIN SO SOON?

After being released from prison in Cocoa, Fla., where he had been held for criminal mischief, a man took a taxi to Melbourne 30 miles away. Upon his arrival, he announced that he could not pay the $70 fare, so the cabbie called the cops, who locked him up again.

I DON’T THINK THEY’LL BE BACK!

A couple who had a bad trip after huffing bath salts in Mill Hall, Pa., told police that they “thought the fireflies in the sky were green lasers coming from aliens or people who were after them.” The man fired a handgun into the air to scare the lasers (fireflies) away.

OR MAYBE THE STORK WAS CALLING HIS FRIENDS BACK HOME:

An environmental group in Poland placed a GPS tracker on the back of a stork to record the bird’s migratory habits. It travelled 3,700 miles to the Blue Nile Valley in eastern Sudan, where somebody found the tracker, removed the SIM card, put it into his own phone and racked up 20 hours’ worth of phone calls, costing $2,700.

IS THERE NO JUSTICE?!

A McDonald’s customer in Hamilton, Ontario, called 911 to complain that the burger and fries he received by delivery were cold. Officers “brought him to an understanding that it wasn’t a police matter.”

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