NOW WAIT A MINUTE, GRANNY, LET’S CALM DOWN, OK?!
A man slashed a 61-year-old grandmother who had driven to the Southpark Mall in Moline, Ill., and forced her to drive to Port Byron. What the kidnapper didn’t know was that granny had a concealed carry permit and a Glock .380 handgun in the console of her truck. They pulled into a gravel lot and, when he got out, she grabbed the gun and got out too. He fled.
I JUST THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE:
A man in Chatham, Ontario, hit the Canadian lottery for $6 million, and immediately broke up with his live-in girlfriend without telling her that he was now in the money. She ultimately found out and is suing him for half.
OK, I KNOW HOW THIS MUST LOOK:
A teenager was arrested for setting his estranged girlfriend’s brick house on fire after police in Polk City, Fla., found that he had googled “how to burn a brick house down.”
MERRY CHRISTMAS, DIRTBAG!
After someone stole a package off of the porch of a home in Hillsboro, Ore., the lady who lived there took revenge by gift-wrapping her 4-month-old son’s “used” diapers and putting them on the porch. It wasn’t long before the thief came back and stole that package, too.
OH, SORRY, ARE THESE YOURS?
A female attorney switched from walking shoes to high heels at the security entrance to a courtroom in Fort Worth, Texas, and accidentally left the shoes in the hall. A juror stole them. He was caught on security cameras and was ordered to give them back.
IS IT ME OR DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A TRAP?
Police found more than 15 grams of meth in the parking lot of a business in Ironton, Ohio, and took to Facebook to ask the owner to come down to the station if he wanted to claim his property.
HEH, HEH, THEY’LL NEVER SUSPECT ME:
A woman stole a cell phone belonging to a receptionist from her workplace in Sandy, Utah. The thief used the phone to take selfies, not realizing that the photos were automatically backed up to the cloud, so the cops now know what she looks like.
THIS WON’T LOOK TOO GOOD AT YOUR TRIAL:
A woman was arrested for drunk driving after she drove the wrong way down a highway in Reno, Nev., climbed on top of her SUV, where she did a dance, then attempted to flee from police on a child’s scooter.
After some nitwit pointed a laser pointer, temporarily blinding a helicopter pilot on a mission to help police officers on the ground in Port Richey, Fla., the pilot landed the aircraft and showed up at the man’s door. The man was very shocked to see the pilot — and the officers who came to arrest him. Said the pilot: “It was extremely satisfying.”
PEEK-A-BOO! WE ALREADY SAW YOU!
A burglar broke into a home in Slidell, La., and soon realized that he was being recorded by an in-house surveillance camera. So he tried to hide his identity by putting a towel over his head, even though his face had already been filmed.