Looking Glass

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DIRTBAG! … SMUSH!

A woman planned a surprise birthday party for her boyfriend at their house in Dunedin, Fla., but he “came home late and had been drinking,” which sparked a very loud argument and lots of name-calling at 1 o’clock in the morning. She was still mad as he was trying to go to sleep, so she got the cake — which was decorated with the words “Happy Birthday Love” — and slammed it on his head.

AND WE WON’T ARREST YOU, HONEST:

Police found seven trashbags full of marijuana on the side of the road in North Yorkshire, England. They have asked that the owner come to the station to claim it.

 

WHEW! MADE IT!

A Connecticut court ordered an interlock device installed in the car of a convicted drunk driver, which would trigger an alarm if he failed to provide a breath sample and would shut down the vehicle after a short time. Despite this, he tried to drive to his Manchester home while drunk with the alarm blaring, speeding to get there before the shutdown. This attracted the attention of police, who caught up with him at his house.

NICE OUTFIT, SIR, COME WITH US:

A naked man burst into a woman’s home in Daytona Beach, Fla., and then ran erratically through the house, prompting her to run next door. While she was gone, he went into her bedroom and started trying on her clothes. He was wearing these and rolling around in the yard when police arrived.

IT’S SHOWTIME!

A man has been locked up for hiring prostitutes to strip on his neighbor’s front porch in Elkhorn, Neb., as many as 75 times over the past three years as he watched from his house.

WE’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU, SIR:

Police in Anchorage, Alaska, tried to pull over a man for driving without his headlights on, but he refused to stop. They declined to pursue him because it was a minor violation, even though they spotted him several times throughout the night. Finally, at 4 a.m., officers were parked at the McDonald’s while investigating a stabbing at a nearby motel when the guy pulled into the drive-through to get some food. He was arrested.

OH, IN THAT CASE, I’LL PUT YOU RIGHT THROUGH:

A man called 911 as sheriff’s deputies chased him for seven miles down U.S. 41 in Collier County, Fla. The operator urged him to pull over, but the man — sounding panicked and desperate — responded by asking the operator to call President Trump, who he said “is a close friend of mine.”

DON’T TRY THE SCAMPI AT HIS HOUSE, JUST SAYIN’:

A man was arrested at a supermarket in Dauphin County, Pa., for stuffing several bags of shrimp down his pants and attempting to leave without paying for them.

I WAS SURE I COULD FIT:

A man trying to burglarize a chicken restaurant in Handsworth, England, got stuck in an extractor fan hole for seven hours. He had to call for help.