Looking Glass

ME BE QUIET?! NO, YOU BE QUIET!!

Birds in Australia’s Adelaide Botanic Gardens have been getting roaring drunk from drinking fermented nectar from the flowers of a Weeping Boer-bean tree in what officials called a dawn-to-dusk avian house party. The birds – called rainbow lorikeets – are renowned for their screeching, but have become distinctly louder since boozing it up.

EXCUSE ME, SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

A man was arrested for breaking into an unmarked sheriff’s office car in New Port Ritchie, Fla., because he didn’t notice that deputies from the Strategic Targeted Area Response team were inside the vehicle.

SO THAT’S WHAT HE MEANT BY HO HO HO:

A man who has played Santa Claus in Canton, Pa., for more than three decades has been arrested for soliciting a prostitute on Craigslist.

HEY, BABY, WANT A RIDE?

A farmer was fined for driving his tractor into the center of Derry, Ireland, to pick up women.

I WANTED HIM TO LOOK NICE AT THE PROM:

A public employee in Hot Springs, Ark., was arrested for fraudulently spending $366,000 with a county credit card to buy personal items, including diamonds for herself and a tuxedo for her dog,

OF COURSE IT’S MINE, WHY DO YOU ASK?

A man was arrested for stealing a $300,000 Ferrari in Santa Ana, Calif., because he was asking people for money for gas.

SORRY, MY BAD:

A contractor who wanted to intimidate a lawyer set a pickup truck ablaze in the driveway of what he thought was the guy’s home in Santa Rosa, Calif. It was the wrong house. The victim had the same name as the intended target. The contractor is undergoing a mental health evaluation.

WOW! I FEEL LIKE THE EARTH MOVED!

A naked man and woman were having intimate relations while the man – who was also drunk – was driving on State Route 7 near La Grande, Wash. It all ended when he missed a curve and struck a tree.

HE WAS GOING TO CALL IT ‘KA-BOOM!’

A Turkish Airline flight from Nairobi to Istanbul was diverted after someone on the plane created a personal wi-fi network and called it “bomb on board.”

WORKIN’ HARD OR HARDLY WORKIN’?

An electrician in Perth, Australia, was able to block his whereabouts during work hours by putting his company-issued GPS device inside a foil-lined snack bag. He then played golf at least 140 times over the past two years. He was fired when somebody turned him in.

OH SORRY, I DIDN’T SEE YOU UP THERE:

A man stole a bucket truck while the driver was in the bucket installing Christmas lights above the streets of Cincinnati. The guy drove around at a high rate of speed for a while until the cops used stop sticks to flatten the tires.

WAS THAT WRONG? SHOULD I NOT HAVE DONE THAT?

A traffic officer stopped a driver in Vancouver, British Columbia, when he noticed that the man was wearing headphones and had his own entertainment system — a tablet and mobile phone — attached to the steering wheel with a piece of string. The officer engaged him “in a lengthy conversation about road safety.”