To any Alabama fans reading this, I would like to offer my sincere condolences. If it’s any consolation, my team had an even worse end-of-season game experience.
I am a graduate of Texas Christian University. You might remember them from a couple of years ago, when they had a football team worth talking about.
TCU imploded this season. For all you anxious Alabama fans who worry every single week that your team is going to suddenly start playing like the Keystone Cops — my team actually did that.
But TCU did well enough this season to make it to a bowl game. (Although now that there are 50,000 bowl games, that’s not saying much.)
The TCU Horned Frogs played the California Golden Bears in Phoenix, Ariz., in the Cheez-It Bowl.
You read that right.
I’ve mentioned to several friends that my team played in the Cheez-It Bowl, and they all thought I was making it up. I am not. The Cheez-It Bowl is an actual real thing.
It was originally the Copper Bowl, then the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl, then the Cactus Bowl, and this year it became the Cheez-It Bowl.
(Personally, I think it should be the Cheez-Its Bowl, plural, because nobody can eat just one Cheez-It.)
This game was so bad, it was good.
“One of the most beautifully hideous bowls ever,” wrote SBNation.
“A hot mess of college football for the ages,” declared The Dallas Morning News.
“Will live in infamy amongst the worst bowl games of all time,” wrote Business Insider.
Let’s just say the Cheez-It Bowl lived up to its billing. How bad was it?
• There were only 17 points scored IN THE ENTIRE GAME.
• TCU finally won the game 10-7, after kicking a field goal IN OVERTIME.
• There were a total of nine interceptions thrown in the game. NINE. That’s a record for a bowl-game.
• Hey, my team helped set a record!
• TCU threw for 28 yards. For the whole game.
• At one point TCU put in a quarterback with a condition called “drop foot,” which can cause difficulty while running.
• That quarterback got blitzed and had to run with the ball.
• TCU took him out and sent in the quarterback who had thrown four interceptions.
• At the end of the fourth quarter, TCU had a chance to win the game by kicking a field goal. They missed.
• On the first play of overtime, the Cal quarterback threw … wait for it … an interception. TCU ran the ball back to within scoring distance.
• Except that TCU lost yardage because of a sideline penalty after a TCU staffer TRIPPED OVER A YARD MARKER.
• One commenter pointed out that, under head coach Gary Patterson, TCU is now 9-0 when throwing for less than 100 yards.
• Which part of the brain are obsessive football fans using to store statistics? Because I think they’re supposed to be using that part for something else.
• The trophy for the Cheez-It Bowl is a big bowl on a pedestal.
• They filled it with Cheez-Its.