Let’s talk about what’s on my fridge. (Not what’s IN my fridge. That would not be a humor column. That would be a horror story).
Over the years, the fridge has become an ad hoc scrapbook of our lives. There are proof prints of my kids’ school photos from the past three years. (I never buy any actual prints, because those photo packages are waaaaaay overpriced and who uses 12 wallet sizes anyway, plus there was that one year when the photographer got a little overzealous with the color-correcting and gave my daughter red hair.
There are a couple of particularly funny comic strips cut out of the newspaper, plus four “Pets of the Week.” (We wanted to adopt them all.)
There is a list I posted in 2014 of 16 “Cool things to do in Alabama,” of which we have visited exactly one.
There’s an even older list my daughter posted of things to do during the summer before seventh grade, which includes “Make some art,” “Cook a dessert” and “Watch my brother explode things.” Wait, what?
A “What’s Your Type?” personality quiz matches the Myers-Briggs personality types for each member of the family to the animals they most resemble. I am an owl, my husband is a dolphin, my daughter is a border collie and my son is a giraffe. Astonishingly, these are accurate. For instance, I am round and soft, have bad eyesight, would prefer to stay up all night and sleep all day, and am really bad at names so I am always asking “Who?”
There is a quote from Shakespeare’s “As You Like It” that is dedicated to my son:
“Then the whining schoolboy,
“With his satchel
“And shining morning face
“Creeping like snail,
“Unwillingly to school.”
Oh look, there’s a claim check for a pair of something. I should probably ask my husband if he is missing shoes or pants.
I printed out a handy graphic for what to store where in the refrigerator. (Meat on the lower shelves, which are colder. Carrots and leafy things in the high humidity drawer. Sweet potatoes in the bottom drawer where you’ll forget about them until they’ve started to turn green.)
There is a bumper sticker that reads, “Don’t mess with Texas women.”
There is another old Krystal’s bumper sticker that reads, “Bob for President. Why not?”
One side of the fridge is dedicated to displaying artwork made by young friends and neighbors, including drawings, coloring book pages and some of those new “sticker-by-number” pages. (OK, a few of the sticker-by-number pages were made by me.)
The things on our fridge that we enjoy the most are the alphabet magnets. We’ve had them since the kids were toddlers, we just never packed them away. They live on the fridge now, and are arranged and rearranged into different messages. Right now, someone has spelled out “Roll Tide,” while a recent guest has spelled out “Caroline was here at this house.”
We don’t always have enough letters to go around, so half of the fun is figuring out how to MacGyver the magnets. An upside-down “y” can be used as an “h,” and a sideways “m” can become an “E.”
And you have to keep your guard up, because in this house someone is likely to come along behind you and quietly change your “ROLL TIDE” to “TROLL IDE.”
Lisa Davis is Features Editor of The Anniston Star. Contact her at 256-235-3555 or firstname.lastname@example.org.