I lean to the right. I don’t mean politically, but literally.
When I walk, I lean a little bit to the right. I’ve been doing it for so long that it’s starting to make my hip hurt.
I mentioned this to a friend, who said she has the same problem. She figured out that she started leaning to the right because she always carried her toddler son on her right hip.
Hmmm, I thought. I carried my toddlers on the other hip. What could be weighing me down on my right side?
My gigantic mom purse, which is filled with all the things a mom might need in an emergency: tissues, bandages, pain reliever, a mirror, lipstick, nail clippers, hand lotion, mints, gum, sunglasses, a flashlight, a thumb drive, spare car keys for the entire family.
I weighed my purse on the bathroom scale. It clocked in at five pounds. (We should add 10 pounds to that, because whenever I weigh in at the doctor’s office, I mysteriously gain 10 pounds.)
I’m not pursing my lips, I’m pursing my hips.
I have a bad habit of just slinging my 15-pound purse over one shoulder, rather that pulling the strap over my head and across to the other shoulder, which would distribute the weight of the purse more evenly, but would also muss up my hair.
Men are starting to carry purses now, although nobody will come out and just call them “purses.” They’re “messenger bags” or “side bags” or “crossbody bags.”
“Purse” is such a funny word, I don’t blame men for shying away from it. It’s related to the ancient Greek word “byrsa,” which means “leather.”
Some people say the word “purse” is terribly old-fashioned, and that we should use the word “handbag” instead. They have a point. You never hear about a “Louis Vuitton purse.”
Maybe we just should start using the term “chiropractic nightmare.”
I envy the millennial girls who are able to get away without carrying a purse. They wear their keys on a bracelet or a necklace, like jewelry. They carry their cash/credit cards/ID cards in a little plastic sleeve stuck to their phones.
I could never get away with that, because not all of my clothes have pockets. Plus I couldn’t fit all of the wallet-size photos of the kids into that little plastic sleeve.
I envy the men who are able to get away with carrying just a wallet.
I have a wallet, but I have to carry it in my purse.
Lisa Davis is Features Editor of The Anniston Star. Contact her at 256-235-3555 or firstname.lastname@example.org.