’Twas five days before Halloween, when what should arrive?
But a Christmas toy catalog — I shuck you no jive.
It’s like we’re being forced to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all at the same time. Happy Thanksmasoween!
I will admit that I love Christmas in July sales — but then we’re supposed to put away the Christmas stuff until after Thanksgiving.
We all used to be in agreement on this, but then one person jumped the gun, so we all had to do it.
But hey — toys!
1. The experts who study such things are predicting that the hot toy this Christmas will be Fingerlings, itty-bitty robotic monkeys that can cling to your fingers or hang by their tails. They sing and coo, and if you blow them a kiss they will blow you one back. OK, I want one.
2. The hottest toys last Christmas were Hatchimals, fuzzy little animals that hatch themselves out of eggs. Hatchimals are back this year. The one on the cover of my toy catalog looks like a fuzzy bear with antlers and wings. So a bear-deer-bird. The designer DNA thing has to stop.
3. Also big this year are L.O.L. Surprises, balls you open up to find all sorts of little goodies. So now we’re celebrating Easter, too? Happy Easthanksmasoween!
4. Oonies, a crafting station that uses a pump to inflate special sticky balloons, which you can then stick together, decorate or pop once you get bored with them. OK, I want this, too.
5. KidiBuzz is a “smart device” aimed at 4-year-olds who want a smartphone but really shouldn’t have one. The KidiBuzz runs on Android and has a touchscreen, rotating camera, 8GB of memory, game apps, a clock, a calendar, a notes program and can connect with parents and friends. What 4-year-old needs a notes program?
6. The Barbie Dream Camper is back. I had one of these when I was a little girl. It was orange and yellow. The new one is pink. That’s gonna scare off the wildlife.
7. On one page of my toy catalog, the Shopkins Shoppies Shopville Super Mall Playset is displayed next to the Star Wars Episode 8 Force Link Flagship Playset. They look remarkably similar, although one is pink and the other is black, and one set of figurines are carrying light sabers, while the others are carrying cash.
8. Luvabella interactive baby dolls. They blink their eyes, they move their heads, they giggle when you tickle them, they learn new words as you talk to them. Pretty darn lifelike. Except for the volume switch on the back. We only wish that was lifelike.
9. Teddy Ruxpin is back. Shudder.
10. Tickle Me Elmo is back. Ditto.
11. “Slimeball Dodgetag.” Moms will pay you NOT to buy this. Same goes for anything with the word “goop” on the label.
12. In the middle of the catalog is a big spread of toys designed to teach science and math. Way to take the fun out of Christmas.
13. Alongside the kids’ bikes is a motorized toy motorcycle — with training wheels. Way to kill the magic.
14. A Yoda hoodie! Does not come in adult sizes. Rip off.
15. A Dancing Baby Groot figurine from “Guardians of the Galaxy.” Want him.
16. A singing, dancing furry Pikachu. Want him, too.
17. A WWE NXT plastic championship wrestling belt. This doesn’t come in adult sizes either, darn it.
18. On the very back page of the catalog are a pair of fidget spinners. That trend is so over. But these would have made a good Christmas gift back in July.
Lisa Davis is Features Editor of The Anniston Star. Contact her at 256-235-3555 or firstname.lastname@example.org.