The Halloween costume industry crossed a line this year, coming up with something so offensive that it had to be pulled from stores.
It was an Anne Frank costume.
At least it wasn’t a Sexy Anne Frank costume.
There is very little that is sacred anymore when it comes to Halloween costumes.
New this year is a sexy Model Wife costume (which looks just like the blue dress that Melania Trump wore to the inauguration, only with the addition of a bare midriff).
And, yeah, there’s also a sexy Donald Trump costume: jacket, tie, red cap, short shorts.
Other politically inspired costumes include a sexy border patrol agent, sexy fake news and a sexy Statue of Liberty (the real one’s gown is certainly not slit up to there).
When it comes to men’s fantasies, there have always been sexy stewardesses and naughty nuns, but the “sexy” costume trend is as out of control as pumpkin spice.
The costume industry has taken scary things and made them scary in a different way: sexy Jason, sexy zombie, sexy cardiac arrest nurse.
They have upended traditional male roles: sexy general, sexy Air Force pilot, sexy NASCAR driver. I don’t think we can count this as female empowerment.
There are sexy animal costumes: sexy penguin, sexy monkey, sexy squirrel, sexy goldfish. (Yes, I said “sexy goldfish.”)
The sexy polar bear does not have nearly enough fur to survive an Arctic winter.
The sexy lion costume has a mane.
There’s a sexy unicorn costume, even though everybody knows unicorns won’t have anything to do with you unless you’re a virgin.
There’s a sexy Babe the Blue Ox. What, did a bunch of dudes in a brainstorming meeting for “fictional characters we can turn into sexy costumes” stop reading after the word “Babe”?
And yet there is no sexy Babe the Pig.
Now, I did find a sexy Darth Vader costume (although it wasn’t called a “sexy Darth Vader costume,” it was called an “Evil Space Leader dress.”
The evil clown holding a red balloon is called “Sexy Dancing Sewer Clown.”
The “Delightful Hatter” looks remarkably like the Mad Hatter, the “Crime Crusader” looks like Captain America, and the “Wonderful Babe” looks exactly like Wonder Woman. And by “exactly,” I mean the “sexy” costume is the same skimpy outfit worn by the real Wonder Woman.
The “Collectible Anime Cutie” is a sexy Pikachu (which they should have just called “Peek-at-you.”)
What do you know? I found something the Halloween costume industry respects: copyright law.
Lisa Davis is Features Editor of The Anniston Star. Contact her at 256-235-3555 or firstname.lastname@example.org.