I’m gonna be rich . . .
Or to put it another way:
My dream always has been to be a kept man and thanks to Thelma and Louise, I will awake one of these mornings to great wealth and five yachts, one for each of the world’s great oceans and longer than Tiger Wood’s.
OK, let me set the record straight:
This Thelma and Louise are NOT of movie fame, just two ladies I know who are joined at the hip and talk each morning before breakfast . . . after breakfast, too. And it should be noted that the two ladies are also known as Neyna and Tee to their grandchildren.
Worth mentioning, too, is they don’t have a convertible and have not yet run either of their non-convertibles over a cliff. Which is what Thelma and Louise of movie fame did in their last seconds on this earth.
What Neyna and Tee are doing is on the road to fortune if not fame. Since I am joined at the other hip with one who is joined at the other hip to Tee, I expect to benefit from the efforts of the two other hips.
(How’s that for messing with your understanding?)
But in the interest of my own survival, I will not divulge their names unless called before a grand jury (I believe in the law).
Have I lost you yet?
OK, it’s really simple and my simple (and silly) rant is to tell you I’m not sure why Neyna and Tee have decided to put that old one about “trash to treasure” into action.
But they have rented a booth at Crossroads in Piedmont and are wearing out good rubber hauling all sorts of stuff up there to sell for all sorts of money from all sorts of strangers they’ll never meet.
Best I can figure, Tee is the treasurer. I got that from an inside look at corporate headquarters (my kitchen table) one night this past week. At a meeting of the board, there was . . .
“We need to keep records.”
“OK, you be the financial officer.”
“I owe you 17 cents.”
“No, you owe me 19 cents.”
Then there was this:
“Took in $90.23 since we opened.”
“You did better than I did. I only took in $40.31.”
At another board meeting:
“I owe you $48.07. The rest of it is mine, right?”
Which is when I excused myself and headed for my barn. Neyna and Tee have been friends a long time and I didn’t want to be around and witness the death of a friendship in a dispute over money.
Of course, expenses have to be deducted to arrive at a true figure of profit on all that money. And every now and then, there is a disagreement:
“Going in your car today? We went in mine last time.”
“I thought we went in mine.”
This is more important than meets the eye. Out on the highway and just over the hill, gas jumped 15 cents a gallon in like three days.
Then there is the monthly rent for Neyna-Tee Consolidated, Inc.
That was solved without dispute:
“I thought she said $39, but the paper we signed says $40 so we’ll have to go with that. One other thing is she is going to deduct our rent from our sales. She said that way we’d never be overdue.”
And don’t forget that I did mention “all sorts of money.” So don’t laugh when I also remind you again about those five yachts, one for each of the earth’s great oceans.
So what else do I have in mind?
Well, Donald Trump is moving to the White House and Trump Tower in New York City may be on the market . . .
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to transcribe my notes and prepare for the next board meeting.
‘Course I suspect that when this is leaked to the press, I will no longer be secretary of the company.
Nor will I become a kept man.