I know you are lying.
You really cannot do it.
With your butt buckled to the couch Saturday afternoon, can the football hate for Johnny Football — just a college kid attempting to make a living, attempting to buy new rims for the Mercedes — cause an unforgivable reaction?
You will be cheering for the Nicktator to take down Johnny?
Please, think about it. Think hard. Consult with family members. Talk to your pastor.
Nick Saban is the ...
Well, Nick says he doesn’t like to be called “the devil.” But when the roll is called at the gates of hell, plenty of those who know Nick say they will recognize the voice.
We’ve got us a high-profile game Saturday afternoon in College Station, a contest that will attract immense national and statewide interest. For a September meeting, it is probably the biggest first-month game ever played in this state, and when it comes to football, that covers plenty of Texas territory.
It’s much more, of course, than simply Alabama vs. Texas A&M.
It’s Saban, the most successful and richest college coach of the era, vs. Johnny, the unwanted and unknown football street urchin of just a year ago.
It’s the Polarization Bowl.
The feel good Manziel/Heisman story of 2012 has given way to disgust, or worse, even in the state that loves its football heroes.
Unless you live in Alabama, why would anyone want to see Saban have even more success? See him take down Johnny? That’s flat crazy.
My email box runneth over last week (after a column on my continuing love for Johnny Football) with readers saying they want to see Johnny get his, and get his good, from Saban’s defense.
If you have Longhorn ties, the jealousy is accepted, although after last weekend, we can presume your Johnny hate is now channeled more in the direction of a head coach quickly running out of time, excuses, and assistant coaches left to fire.
For anyone, however, with no built-in grudge toward the Aggies, are you telling me you will allow your butt on the couch to override your brain when it comes to Saban vs. Manziel?
Stop it with your stupidity.
Here’s a coach who, according to a recent magazine article, is so rigid he has the same breakfast and same lunch every ding-dong day.
Little Debbie oatmeal creme pies for breakfast. A salad of iceberg lettuce, turkey and tomatoes for lunch.
I could never trust a guy who doesn’t work in a couple of Slim Jims before dinner.
Here’s a coach with only one coaching failure in his life (the NFL, at Miami, with a two-year record of 15-17) who turned down Drew Brees in free agency and signed Daunte Culpepper.
Nick blamed the team doctors, saying Brees flunked the physical. I’d be blaming somebody, for sure. Oh, maybe even Jason Garrett. Red J was the quarterback coach at Miami for Saban.
Here’s a coach who said he hated being called “the devil” by rival coaches, then asked his wife for advice, and she said, “maybe you should take a look at yourself in those press conferences.”
(Aside to the big hitters in Austin: I don’t think you could ever hire Nick as the head coach at UT, but I’d certainly consider Terry Saban. That’s Nick’s wife. My kind of woman.)
Here’s a coach who is a big fan of the Rolling Stones. OK, I give him points for that. Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste ...
It’s that devil thing again.
But then there’s Johnny Football.
The devil made him do it all off-season.
Johnny was wandering around the country, hanging out with autograph brokers, and when he wasn’t signing 40,000 or so pictures (for free, according to the NCAA investigation) he was making a nuisance of himself on the devil’s invention: Twitter.
When Johnny finally returned to the football field a couple of weeks ago, he wasn’t ready to play nice, wasn’t ready to be a good boy. And his antics in the Rice game totally hacked off good citizens in two countries. America and Texas.
But on Saturday, Johnny Football has his football mountain to climb. It’s Saban’s ‘Bama defense, traditionally the best defense in college football, because Saban is the best defensive coach in the country (I heard Kirk Herbstreit say it on the radio the other day, and I believe Kirk) at any level.
Johnny climbed that ‘Bama mountain a season ago. His road game against the Tide was hailed by one and all.
But now, so many of you seem to be thinking Johnny deserves to take the fall on Saturday.
Think about it. It’s Nick Bleeping Saban. Biggest of the big. And it’s Little Johnny, the football street urchin from Kerrville.
Despite your nasty emails, I don’t think your heart can really be into a Saban cheer-fest on Saturday.
You are lying.
I know you are.
Randy Galloway is a columnist for the 2013 Fort Worth Star-Telegram.