If you’re wondering what the Bill of Rights has to do today’s sermon, it is Sunday noon and a number of Southern Baptists are elbowing around a table at Jack’s on Quintard. A Methodist or two are in the house, too.
Eating fried chicken . . .
Baptists (and some Methodists) love fried chicken, especially at Jack’s.
But it is when a nice lady by the name of Marion Smith comes through with a heaping tray of fried chicken . . .
“This is a new kind of chicken we’d like you to try. Please fill out these cards with what you think.”
Alarm bells go off in my head. Sounds like a test run for “new” chicken at Jack’s. So below is a bit of correspondence with Mr. Wayne Reaves, the BIG Jack:
“In dining at your Quintard location Sunday (which I do just about every), we were asked to sample a ‘new’ chicken. Attached are my feelings on the matter.
“But, just in case my scribbling is hard to read:
“You have the best chicken in America. If it 'ain't' broke, don’t fix it! The new is sawdust!
“I've been a loyal chicken eater at your house. Will quit if you change.
“On one recent Sunday, I looked around and SAW FOUR BAPTIST PREACHERS eating your chicken. Case rested.
“I have absolutely no idea why you would even consider changing. You have a chicken now that speaks loud and clear that this is Jack's chicken, not some bland sawdust you can get down the street. In our crowd and other people I know, this is a common opinion. Thanks for listening and I would appreciate hearing from you.”
“Mr. Smith,
“Thank you for your thoughts. Amy told me you ate the chicken regularly and I assumed you would let us know what you really thought about the chicken. I was right. We will not change the chicken.
“Thanks for your help on this. We certainly do not want to make a mistake on this important menu item.
“On another subject. Have you tried our new cinnamon rolls? If so, I am curious to know what you think about them.
“Thanks again.”
“Thanks for your prompt reply in what I consider to be one of the more pressing issues of our time. Fact is, I feel like I just got a Christmas/Easter/Ground Hog Day/Arbor Day/July4/Labor Day/Father's Day/Grandfather's Day/Fathers-in-Law Day present all wrapped up in one glorious e-mail. I think I feel like Linus would feel if the Great Pumpkin really did show up this fall.
“Thing is, I've never understood why we in America feel the over-powering need to go around fixing things that ain't broke.
“I have a close friend by the name of Clyde Bolton who was once the sports columnist for the Birmingham News. A few months back, we met at Jack’s off I-59 in Ashville for lunch. I introduced him to Jack's Fried Chicken. He now assures me that Jack's has moved in front of the Cracker Barrel as his fine dining experience of choice.
“Before going, I would also like to commend you for your selection of employees. All your employees seem to go above and beyond in making your fans (legions of them) feel comfortable and at home.
“Again, thanks for your prompt reply and rest assured that whenever I can scrape up enough money I will continue to frequent your fine establishments. The fact that Mr. John Adcock (a friend of mine) speaks highly of you is another reason to respect your (correct) judgment in this matter.
“See you Sunday.
“G. Smith”
Oh, one other thing, Mr. Reaves. Skip the cinnamon roll and just put an extra chicken breast on my plate.
George Smith can be reached at 256-239-5286 or e-mail: gsmith731@gmail.com.
