Op-Ed Columns

It's the election season's version of the Sabbath; toil like a dog for six months, and now, finally, it's time to rest.

Our municipal elections are over. The runoffs are scheduled. The next four years are being mapped out all across Calhoun County, though not everyone's chipper about the mapping out that's being done. It's time to lean back, pop open what you will, contemplate what you should and get on with things.

So excuse me while I take a bath.

I feel filthy.

It's a damning statement, but this election — parts of it, at least— has left behind a distasteful feeling of political disgust. The smell is rotten, as if someone turned over that big blue trash can in their neighbor's driveway; the flies are everywhere, swarming. The 72 or so hours that have passed since Tuesday's vote have brought equal parts excitement, disappointment and resigned indifference. After all, it is small-town politics in Alabama.

Considering the stakes, what else could we expect?

No, that's not correct. We couldn't have expected this.

Gene Robinson. Why'd you say that? What were you thinking? Were you? And William Hutchings. What?

Weaver's getting a new mayor, don't know whom, but one of the candidates is Calhoun County's version of John "I don't know how many homes I have, but they're all real nice" McCain. Which home is the real home?

And in Oxford, well, let's just say there are voters who are gracious winners, and then there aren't. On election day, you heard all kinds of wild, improbable stories about that town's politickin'; finding out if any of it were true would require calling Woodward or Bernstein out of retirement. Kojak, too. So you just sit back and laugh when someone calls and says, "Did you hear what went on down in …?"

Yeah, everyone did.

And then there are the politicians themselves. Nice people, most of them. A couple I wouldn't mind calling friends, if those darned journalist ethics wouldn't get in the way.

Nevertheless, during this election season more than a few looked me in the eye and said, "Hey, when this is over, let's have lunch. We need to chat." Agreed. Nothing like a nice lunch on Noble Street.

Funny, but every candidate who told me that lost. Not sure why.

Guess promises and lunch dates only stick for the victors.

Of course, the victors aren't the story of this three-day-old election. It's the non-victors — "losers" is such an unkind, pejorative term — who are headlining the 2008 Calhoun County Election Tour. Depending on your political bent, it's an impressive list of former electees who, once the formalities are handled, no longer will hold office. Or, at least, won't do so for the next four years.

Some perspective? Think of it this way.

If you were to incorporate a new town in Calhoun County — call it Oxanna; nostalgia's good — you could recast the political castoffs of this week's election, ignore the rules about candidates' residency, and create leadership that would fit in with all of our other sometimes effective, oftentimes dysfunctional city governments.

Chip Howell could be mayor.

Greg Thrower would make a fine councilman.

We'd let Stan Bennett play, too.

Don't forget Joe Roberson, another ex-mayor for the council.

Mike Henderson could be council chief.

And depending on how those October runoffs go, our brought-back-to-life Oxanna could have a lineup of councilmen and school-board members that includes Anniston Councilman Herbert Palmore, Anniston Board of Education member Bob Etnire, Heflin Mayor Anna Berry and Piedmont Mayor Charles Fagan.

Think the new Oxanna would shake things up around here?

In the end, our make-believe town would fall prey to the same political virus that's infected a wide swath of this county during this election. Politicians would say things they shouldn't, and embarrassing questions would arise, and accusations would fly. And residents would have to decide: whom do they trust?

It would become another chapter in Alabama politics, Calhoun County style. Often, you can't avoid feeling as if you just need to take a bath and wash away that filthy feeling.