Op-Ed Columns

Read the other day where a group called “Answers in Genesis” had built a state-of-the-art “Creation Museum” up in Kentucky to show how science and the Bible can coexist happily, so long as science gets with the program.

There’ll be no knuckle-dragging Neanderthal exhibits — non-evolved man will appear as he is now, in God’s image, right from the get-go.

There’ll be dinosaurs on Noah’s ark.

And St. George won’t slay a dragon. He’ll slay a tyrannosaurus-something-or-other that survived the flood.

All of which makes perfectly good sense to the “young-earth” folks behind the exhibition. (Those are the ones who think that the Earth is less than 10,000 years old and that all the evidence to support evolution is just a joke that God has played on scientists dumb enough to believe it.)

Scientists are not amused. They call it the Fred and Wilma Flintstone Museum.

But if I ever get up to where it is, I am gonna drop by for a look.

In the meantime, however, I consider it my Christian duty to warn the “Answers in Genesis” folks that pitfalls await if they are not careful.

Just consider what happened to the Rev. Kent Hovind, “Dr. Dino,” director of the Creation Science Evangelism Ministry down in Pensacola and the proprietor of Dinosaur Adventure Land.

Like the folks up in Kentucky, Hovind invited the faithful to come see “where dinosaurs and the Bible meet.” And while there they could ride rides, buy tapes, videos and CDs, and even meet Dr. Dino himself.

You may have heard of Hovind. He was written up in The New York Times for his “standing offer” of $250,000 to anyone who could provide scientific evidence of evolution — an offer as yet uncollected.

Which is probably for the best, since today Hovind has money troubles aplenty.

You see, the Internal Revenue Service is all over Hovind for failing to pay $473,818 in federal income, Social Security and Medicare taxes on his wife, himself and their employees.

But look at it from the preacher’s point of view.

According to court records, Dr. Dino “maintains that as a minister of God, everything he owns belongs to God and he is not subject to paying taxes to the United States on money he receives from doing God’s work.”

So there.

Hovind contended that since employees at the place were “missionaries” they also worked for God, so they didn’t have to pay taxes, either. That also was why Hovind said that he didn’t have to kick in the employer share of Social Security and Medicare because he wasn’t the employer — God was.

To make sure there was no confusion on this point, Dr. Dino, acting on behalf of the Lord, paid the missionaries in cash, which he withdrew from the bank in sums small enough not to require reporting under federal banking regulations.

I guess he wanted to avoid all that paperwork.

The IRS did not see it that way. Last I heard Dr. Dino was up to his armpits in litigation.

Now if someone had taken Hovind aside and done for him what I am doing for the folks at “Answers in Genesis,” a lot of this could have been avoided.

Someone should have told Hovind about Lou Gottlieb, famed as a folk singer in the ’60s and later as “Lucky Louie Love Divine” who deeded his Morningstar Ranch in Sonoma County, Calif., to God and stopped paying taxes because it was God’s and the state should collect from Him.

Only the state ruled that God can’t own land in California, and Lucky Louie had to come up with the cash.

All of which is to say that while rendering to God in one way or the other, don’t forget to render to Caesar as well.

I don’t know where the Hovind case is now. Probably under appeal. Last I heard a judge told Dr. Dino to turn in his passport (afraid he’d skip the country?) and his guns (which Hovind said belonged to his church, which I suppose means they belong to God. Wonder if God has a permit?).

So my advice to “Answers in Genesis” is this:

You may think that you know what God would do if He had all the information you have, but the IRS knows what Caesar would do and is there to help him do it. So pay attention, because any organization with that kind of power is not to be trifled with.

Remember, St. Matthew may have been a tax collector, but he did not work for the IRS.