Insight

I consider myself lucky to live in Alabama. I feel deeply blessed and am truly grateful for all that I have received in my life, having lived in this state over 30 years. I have a great career, a nice home and a great neighborhood in which to live. Most of all, I have people who love me.

There are often days when my friends and neighbors and I gather in our homes, and we share a meal, laugh and trade details about our lives. We talk about how much the price of gas has gone up, about recent vacations we’ve taken, about relatives coming to visit — all the things that make up our lives. I treasure my time with them.

I have two bright, gregarious twin nieces, Alexandria and Emily. I fear that McDonald’s at which we celebrated their third birthday will never be able to clean the cake frosting off of its ceiling. I am godfather to Alexandria, and I cherish them both.

I have been in a wonderful relationship for over a year now. When I first met Dale, I knew that our lives would be forever connected. He has such a lively smile and a gleam in his eye. After years of what he calls “corporate servitude,” he is following his dream of being a history teacher.

How courageous is that, to leave a high-paying career to teach kids all about the past? He is one of my heroes and one of the most altruistic people I have ever met. I love him very much.

This is just a small glimpse of my life and how it is filled with love. Unfortunately, amid a life full of love, my life and the love I feel is being attacked simply because I am gay. In two days’ time, Alabamians will vote on a constitutional amendment intended to restrict marriage and the basic protections it provides; essentially, it says that my love for Dale should not be safeguarded by my state.

As I have traveled all through Alabama and met other gay families, I see their lives also are filled with love. I marvel at other gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Alabamians living their lives freely and openly in their small social circles and at their jobs. I meet their wonderful partners. I hear about their extended families that bring them such joy. I realize that love is felt all over in the gay community, but that it is not respected by everyone in Alabama.

We have a long way to go to show all Alabamians how simple and normal our lives are; to explain that laws to ban marriage are not about preserving relationships, but about tearing them apart; to prove that pitting neighbors against neighbors is neither good for our government nor good for our communities; to ensure that if I arrive at the hospital in 40 years to visit Dale when he is seriously ill, an unknowing nurse does not stop me from entering his room and say, “Sorry, sir, the government says you are not a family.”

But on the eve of a vote to further block protections for some Alabamians, I am tremendously hopeful. I am hopeful knowing that thousands of people from Anniston to Atmore, from Decatur to Dothan — communities where some folks think not a single gay person exists in town — will vote against this misleading and mendacious amendment.

I am hopeful because every time the media misrepresent our community, there is an increasing number of stories that portray the gay community and its lives with the same humanity as journalists would depict anyone else’s. I am hopeful because for every hateful, misguided, naïve word uttered about gay people by anti-gay extremists, there are more and more fair-minded Alabamians coming to understand the desire of the gay community to love and to live that love in freedom.

And I mean not just a freedom that comes with silent tolerance or begrudging acceptance, but a freedom intended for all families, gay and straight alike, that gives them the rights and protections to live their lives and be equal. I look forward to the day when all Alabamians are treated fairly by our government, by our Constitution and, most important, by each other. It is for that day that — amid this current struggle — I remain filled with hope.

Howard Bayless is the board chair of Equality Alabama, a nonprofit that advances full equality for gay Alabamians through education and action. You can contact him by e-mail at Equalityalabama@ equalityalabama.org.