What if the governor’s "Plan A" for solving our financial crisis is rejected? Will there be a "Plan B"? And what will "Plan B" be? Well, let me advance a modest proposal, based on an idea floated by my buddy Gene Owens of the Mobile Register. Gene suggests that if Judge Moore would rule "that church and state are one and the same in Alabama," the state would be "entitled to collect tithes" and with 10 percent from everyone every year, our money worries would be over.
Now that may sound a little squirrelly at first, but think about it. The ruling should pose no constitutional problem for Judge Moore, since his notion that the nation was founded on Christian principles is only a hop, skip and a jump away from declaring us a theocracy anyway. Besides, most of Moore’s supporters seem comfortable with the idea that the church should guide the state, so long as it is the "right" church, and the Judge has always revealed a keen ear for the opinion of supporters and a knack for doing what they think should be done.
So he makes the ruling.
Now you gotta keep this in mind as we work through — church and state are one, the same, pluribus becomes unum, therefore one can do what the other did and vice versa.
So the first thing the state/church Legislature does is clean the clutter from the tax code by simply abolishing all taxes. And if you abolish all taxes, you abolish all exemptions, since exemptions exempt you from paying taxes and, as I said, there ain’t any. Are you keeping up?
Then, the Legislature passes a bill requiring everyone who files a federal tax return declaring income earned in Alabama — be they corporation or critter — to pay 10 percent of that income to the state, which is also the church. (That should make old Richard "flat-tax" Shelby happy, not that it matters.)
But will the Legislature pass such a bill? Sure it will, because since church and state are one, ministers will feel the call to run for office and by the time all this comes about there will be more preachers than lawyers in those hallowed halls. Imagine that.
And of course Judge Moore, by then Gov. Moore, will sign it.
Now I can hear some of you say, "but a church can’t force you to tithe." Well, sure it can, ‘cause it’s also the state (remember?) and the state can force its citizens to do all sorts of things even if they don’t want to. But of course everyone will be more than willing to pay tithes because that is what good religious folk do. As for those agnostics and atheists and liberal believers in separation of church and state, they can just call tithes taxes if it makes ‘em feel better, so long as they pay.
But, I can hear you again, "won’t this take money from churches?"
You’re not paying attention. The money goes to the state which is also the church so the money really goes to the church, to do those good works that the church is chomping at the bit to do — like feed the hungry, comfort the widow and orphan, attend the sick, clothe the naked, visit the prisoner, teach the children, rescue the perishing, care for the dying — all that stuff. ‘Course we’ll need some accountability to make sure the church does what its supposed to do and that preacher-legislators don’t slip in "pass-through-love offerings" that could be funneled to "special" congregations back home.
And the church, which is also the state, would make sure roads were built and maintained, criminals were caught, convicted and put away (so they could be visited), health facilities were maintained, schools were up and running so all God’s children got an equal and sufficient education, old folks and little babies were cared for, and so on and so on and so on.
And there would be plenty of money to do this.
You see, according to my calculations (which are just as good as anybody else’s), the state would actually collect more revenue under my plan because rich folks and corporations would not have all those loopholes and exemptions so they would actually pay a larger percentage of their income by tithing than they do now. Meanwhile the poor, freed from all those regressive taxes, might actually pay less.
And since this money is given to the church, you can write it off on your federal tax return — a charitable contribution!
Now how about that, a system that is financially sound, that provides the services Alabamians need and deserve, that does not exploit the poor, and gives you a federal tax break in the bargain.
Whoa! Could this be what the Christian Coalition means when it says that good stewardship will solve our problems? That sneaky bunch.
One step ahead of me.
