Family

ALBANY, N.Y. — Saturday, July 7, 2007 — 7-7-07 — had been considered the luckiest day to get married. Many couples clamored to make it their wedding date.

Two days earlier, I ran into a couple who were going to get married on that date. I suddenly got very excited, because one of my very favorite things to do is give advice to newlyweds or those who are about to be.

I have always possessed an overpowering feeling that it was my duty: I must give them the recipe for a happy marriage. I have to give them a few shortcuts so they don't have to learn so much the hard way.

Maybe because I'd just celebrated 50 years of being married to the same man — it made me feel like the authority. But I just always felt the need to pass along workable tools to the generation coming behind me.

The advice always entailed two major tips:

You must, as a married couple, continue to hold hands as you do now, walking together, shopping, riding in the car, etc.

You have to continue to laugh a lot — again, just as you do now while you are dating.

We always were told that you have to have a sense of humor about life, but laughing in the marriage makes you want to have fun and be with your laughing friend. It will really help take you through marriage and life's big problems.

One day, maybe 11 years ago, I came upon the queen of all advice. Here it is — I believe it really was a saying from Al-Anon: There's no right or wrong in domestic affairs.

I loved that saying so much I had a sign made to hang in my kitchen. Suddenly, it took on a life of its own. When you live with someone long enough, you wonder why they do everything the wrong way. You ride with them, they drive too close to the car in front, and you know you wouldn't do it that way!

They always park in the dumbest parking spot, not at all where you would pick.

When they cook a meal, do the laundry and so on, why don't they know the way I have done it for years is the correct way.

One day, we were having the usual nagging session. Why did he pick that space to park, when I would have gone over there? My wonderful husband said to me: "Remember, there's no right or wrong in domestic affairs."

A wonderful light went on in my head. He is so right — if six people came into this parking lot, they would all pick someplace different, and not one of them would be wrong. There would always be different ways to do the same thing.

Now that's how the new game got started. I can't tell you how many arguments this has stopped. The criticized person gets to say, "Hey, there is no right or wrong, just different," and we just laugh out loud.

No more pouting about who's right or who's wrong, who is really the smart one here and who is always so dumb. It takes some of the hard work out of marriage and makes it easier and so much more fun!