Television

I blame Ryan Seacrest.

If you give someone as wifty as Paula Abdul a regular routine, there's about a 40 percent chance she will be able to follow it. (Every time she launches into a comment about one of the performances on American Idol, don't you find yourself rooting for her, praying that she will be able to locate and complete a coherent thought?)

But when you switch things up on Paula, as Seacrest did this week, there's simply no chance she'll be able to follow the bouncing ball.

First, Seacrest announced that the judges would hold their critiques until the end, after the five finalists had sung both songs. Then no sooner was the first round over than he suddenly asked the Idol panel to give a snap opinion.

Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell had no problem with this change of plans. But Paula predictably spun out, fumbling with index cards and sputtering, "Oh, gosh, we've never had to write these things down ... fast enough. Jason, first song, I loved hearing your lower register, which we never really hear. Um ... the second song, I felt like your usual charm wasn't — it was missing for me. It kind of left me a little empty."

At which point, every person watching was scratching their heads. What second song? Jason Castro had only sung one Neil Diamond selection, the poorly fitting "Forever in Blue Jeans."

The next morning on Seacrest's radio show, Abdul offered up a couple of excuses for her mystifying flight into the future. Neither of them made sense and managed to cancel each other out.

Look, there are only two possible explanations for Paula's strange comments. Either the judges' comments are scripted, which has all kinds of dismaying implications for American Idol's integrity.

Or else Paula is psychic. If that is the case, it adds significance to her comment that same night to David Cook: "I feel like I'm already looking at the (next) American Idol."

If that is the case, if the outcome is already determined, if the contest is fixed, well, I'm still going to blame Ryan Seacrest.